Parents looking for a 'spiritual' guide to raising their children need
further than Barry Long's extraordinary book. But there is nothing soft
mystical about his work - his spirituality is grounded in the everyday
where we must face up to who we are all the time.
To be good parents we must rid ourselves of the unhappiness within us
we can do the same for our children, he argues. Just like our children,
to hide behind our petty angers and hurts, and we revel in our emotional
roller-coasters. But we have to be straight and true to what is really
'us' and not give
in to the unwelcome emotional guest who causes endless damage to our relationships.
'Raising Children' deals in an a unique and refreshing way with many aspects
of family life, from discipline, creating boundaries, dealing with outbursts,
introducing ideas of God and death, and handling the tricky adolescent
of sex and drugs. Education and learning - a subject very close to Barry
Long's heart - is another very important element of this book, which is
more like a
primer for field work in family spirituality.
To those who already know the work of Barry Long, 'Raising Children' is
probably his most important work so far, and not just because the the
next generation needs to end the insanity we have introduced to this planet.
It is important because it deals with a wide range of fundamental issues
400 pages in a simple and direct way. If Barry Long's love is impersonal
remote - as he says love really is - it also has a warm and compassionate
side, which this book draws from him.
To those who have never encountered Barry Long before, you are in for
an invigorating journey, face-to-face with one of the world's most direct,
simple spiritual masters who also happens to know all about paying the
bills every month!
Your family will thank you for buying this book.
Natural Parent UK
Teachers and parents are facing major dilemmas at present. Children seem
to want real answers more than ever before, and are insisting to be heard
when they ask why they should behave in certain ways and learn certain
This is challenging for adults, as it sorely tests their own convictions,
philosophies and self-knowledge. For many teachers and parents, this leaves
them feeling at a loss and powerless. Many return to authoritarian models,
or give dishonest or inadequate answers which leave the child and adult
unhappy and restless.
Barry Long's new book RAISING CHILDREN IN LOVE JUSTICE AND TRUTH is
an extraordinary text and manual for people who truly want to live intelligent,
happy lives and raise their children accordingly.
All humans are screaming for this understanding, as our kids shun paths
know do not work, and look in dangerous corners for truth. Adults know
are unhappy, and their relationships are lacking. How does one grow in
Know when to leave a loveless partnership? Raise one's children to be
truthful and happy, when the parents are not?
Barry Long, in this straightforward book, answers questions from parents
around the world in a simple, compassionate and highly useful way. From
own experiences as a parent, he shows us how to teach children to recognise
the feeling of love. He explains the high cost of excitement and dishonesty.
He shows parents why it is so important to get their own love right first,
and how to correctly speak to their children, for mutual respect e.g.
He teachers children to as "Why?", and then listens to the answer.
Then he demonstrates how to assess for themselves whether the answer was
He advises parents with higher-level information, simply.
Be warned. This book is a new way of seeing life intelligently. There
nothing superficial or superfluous here, yet it is compellingly readable.
Our children are inundated with rubbish, and it is rare parents who have
time and know-how to discriminate effectively, much less to educate their
child about life and sexuality when they have not yet got it right. Kids
rarely told the truth about love.
Every now and again one sees a family who has 'got it right'. They stand
out. Their children walk strongly in love and truth, and tell you when
are unsure. 'Raising Children' covers more practical truth on how families
can reach that place than anything that has gone before.
As an educator, I wish teachers were more trained and ready to work with
such simple, profound truth. In my experience, it's only in very rare
that this happens. After twenty years of teaching and vast experience
schools, I have seldom encountered such aspiring individuals and schools.
Those who read this book, will find these simple truths are absorbed
and totally. Barry Long's manner and language are direct and profound.
No-one taught us about children like this.
I sincerely recommend this book to anyone who works with, lives with,
has children, and wants to get it right.
Book review for EDUCATIONAL ORGANISATIONS and JOURNALS
by Kerry Wright
A slew of books have been published recently that deal with childraising
from a spiritual perspective. . .While this reflects the spiritualization
of everyday life that has become popular in recent years there is also
a real need for approaches to concrete life situations in the context
of a teaching.
Two unorthodox contemporary teachers have recently published books on
childraising. Lee Lozowick and Barry Long both have a direct and uncompromising
approach to transformation and have many students around the world . .
.While these books may have been produced in response to interest by the
authors' students, they are also aimed at a more general audience. As
who work directly with others to undo much of the problematic conditioning
in adults these days, both Long and Lozowick say that one of their primary
is to increase the number of capable and balanced human beings on this
Both books begin with the reminder that the birth of a child means that
from another dimension is incarnating in this world. They emphasize the
abruptness of the transition of birth and suggest ways to ensure that
being feels welcomed, comfortable and oriented. For example, they suggest
telling infants, in a normal conversational tone, what's going on around
them, whether or not the actual words are understood, the tone and vibration
of the parent's voice will carry a message of love and support.
Both authors also emphasize that children mirror their parents, providing
another impetus for adults to work on themselves and model compassionate,
gentle and appropriate behaviour. . . Long provides advice on incorporating
children - if they wish - into one's meditation practice, though he, like
Lozowick, discourages any formal religious instruction.
On other points the two authors diverge . . . One of the central tenets
of [Long's] teaching is the importance of the relationship between men
and women and in his first chapter he tells parents that their relationship
should not be made secondary
by the addition of children to the family. 'You have to put the love of
your partner before the love of your child. The two of you come first',
Long also advocates what might appear to be a certain distance and coldness.
Because his teaching includes the rejection of subjective feelings, he
encourages parents to be rational and unemotional with their children,
allowing them to cry uncomforted if the child cannot supply the reason
for his tears. Nevertheless Long does not shy away from confronting the
more difficult aspects of childraising and
he provides specific responses, sample admonitions and the like. He also
a very simple exercise (to be presented to the child as a game) to help
children ground a sense of 'good' in their bodies and to help them learn
how to control negative moods and emotions. His aim is expressed in very
simple terms: keeping unhappiness out of one's home and life by confronting
negative emotions when-
ever they arise. . .
Long's book is much more overtly infused with the author's teaching methods
than is Lozowick's; while Long does not normally use or endorse any other
teachings in his work, Lozowick incorporates whatever he finds useful
. . . As a whole, however, both books provide glimpses of how a spiritual
by a living teacher can be applied to one of the central demands of life.
so they provide the reader with the flavour of the authors' work as well
offering two more perspectives on an age-old issue.
Barry Long's approach is not stern, nor is he a harsh disciplinarian.
In fact his approach to parenting treats children with great respect for
intelligence and is imbued with striking compassion for their fate. He
offers real alternatives to the failures of communication, resentment
and squabbling that is
so often the norm. He proposes an education based on observation and the
enjoyment of life, and a family life where no unhappiness is allowed to
The evidence that this is not just pipe-dreams, but a practical possibility,
is in his new book 'Raising Children' which is based on literally hundreds
of conversations with mums, dads and children.
This book is an exceptional compendium of wise advise and it will be a
of just what went wrong in their own childhood to many readers.
New Age Guardian Australia
Barry Long is widely accepted as a teacher, so this book will already
have a niche readership where it will function as a further guide to those
infusing this teaching within the fabric of their daily lives. What is
more valuable then, is what a book of this nature may mean to those not
acquainted with Barry Long and the nuances of his teaching. One has the
sense that Long's seminal teaching is presented here, but with a focus
on how these teachings assist in creating more loving, more just and more
truthful parents. While the book is
entitled 'Raising Children in Love, Justice and Truth', thereby endeavouring
create children who hopefully will emulate these qualities or wonderful
of Being, in the final analysis this is what he exhorts the parents to
The book is written in frank, honest terms, and is styled along the lines
of what is recognisable as a traditional exchange between student and
master in the format
of an open question and answer. The teachings are to the parents, who
as the conduits to the children. What is most refreshing is Long's sustained
to the parents, insisting that the parent never ask of the child what
he or she
cannot be. The teachings are meant to be transformative and not merely
didactic. And the process of transformation is meant to be frankly unromanticvery
and articulated in the minute to minute execution of one's life. Minute
for as every parent would know, parenting can indeed divide a single day
many transient segments, and not necessarily seamlessly stitched together.
Because there are several categories of care-givers in our society, aside
those obviously recognisable as parents, the book's audience embraces
wider circles of affinal relations; the countless aunts and uncles and
whom the child will also look for answers. The book is also a valuable
book for teachers, by laying bare the fact that learning is a mutual process
where the teacher is meant to guide the child to what is already known,
although not yet realised. In a system where a teacher is responsible
for not one but several dozen eager and demanding young minds, the book
can serve as a not-so-traditional,
yet vital textbook.
The task of a parent is exceptionally difficult and is fraught with many
anxieties. Barry Long's book on how to nurture a child through to adulthood
offers many answers to questions often asked and ones that were not thought
to ask. His teachings provide insights on how to gently extricate the
material world and its overload of aggressive sensational images, and
quietly bring the child back to the child's own inner centre. The teaching
that strikes a deep resonance is the exhortation to bring the child closer
to the earth, to reinforce what is already in a child; that is, the appreciation
of a simple flower or the delicacy of a breeze so the earth itself acts
to be a teacher. What is also enlightening to parents is Long's appeal
that we do not teach the child to believe in (a doctrinaire) God, but
to 'invite' a sense of quiet that allows an 'experience' of God.
Don't fool yourself though, reading this work won't make a better parent
of us. It is a book that makes clear the work that needs to be done. One
cannot help wondering at times at the pragmatism of Long's teaching when
confronted with a loudly resentful and screaming child. One also wonders
how Long's own experiences (the relationship with Simon, Long's stepson
must necessarily have been different when the child went to live with
his mother) compare with our own sustained relationship with children
that remain in our care for twenty odd years. The book, though, is able
to withstand these doubts by the sheer strength of its honesty.
It is a book that I relished reading and a book that invites many re-readings.
Noumenon South Africa
Some other comments:
Practical guidance in many aspects of parenting, offering the reader
a new vision
of family life.
Whether you are the parent of toddlers or teenagers, this book offers
'Kids in Brisbane' magazine Australia
The intentions of this book are admirable though a title like this proves
a bit daunting. But Long sets out to show parents how to examine their
own lives and beliefs to strive for the highest in their child-rearing.
. . Long doesn¹t provide all
the answers, nor does he set out to. Parents grow and learn alongside
children and this book aims to make that job easier and more rewarding
Sunday Times Perth, WA
I found many very specific examples of how to handle childhood behavior.
Although I might differ with Long on some points, I find his suggestions
The New Times USA
Dear Barry - It's a great pleasure to be reading your book, 'Raising Children'.
I find it very clarifying and practical and particularly appreciate the
helpful, balanced, accepting attitude. The way it is enlivened with your
own and others personal experience makes it particularly approachable.
Thank you for the book.
Letter from a reader